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The 10 things most likely not to happen in Birmingham high school football …

, August 02, 2013 4:52 p.m.

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BIRMINGHAM, Alabama — Football season is upon us. Things are about to get real serious. 

Yet before they do, let’s have a bit of tongue-in-cheek fun. If we can’t laugh a little bit at ourselves, then who can we laugh at, right?

DISCLAIMER: We’re not poking fun at anyone, but just trying to generate a chuckle or two about a few staples of every fall in Birmingham.

Leeds and McAdory rarely throw the ball, but still win big. Freshmen rarely play at Hoover. There’s a few things everybody picks up after a season or two watching football in Jefferson and Shelby County.

Predictions and analysis are about to surround our programs in droves over the next month. But not yet. Not today.

So with a nod to David Letterman, here’s a look at 10 things most likely not to happen in Birmingham this football season.

The 10 things most likely not to happen in Birmingham this football season.  

10.  Hoover 5-star cornerback Marlon Humphrey will give up football to pursue a newfound Olympic dream to become America’s greatest hurdler since Edwin Moses.

9.  Everybody starts playing their games on Saturdays. If you need an explainer for this one, feel free to move to another state.

8.  Ronnie Clark, Calera’s 4-star safety who will line up at quarterback, will score less than 10 touchdowns this season.

7.  Briarwood Christian will again go 4-6 in the regular season and still win two playoff games despite not having a running back with more than 300 rushing yards all season.

6.  Clay-Chalkville will play a transfer player without fully checking into the background of his time at his previous school.

5.  Prized offensive lineman Jordan Sims, all 345 pounds of him, becomes Homewood coach Doug Goodwin’s secret weapon near the goal line just like William “The Refrigerator” Perry was for the Chicago Bears way back in 1985.

4.  Fultondale’s quarterback will have more than 50 combined touchdowns (rushing, receiving, returns) for the third straight season.

3.  Hoover will miss the playoffs for the first time since 1999. 

2. Carver-Birmingham, a team that’s gone 3-57 over the last six seasons, will win at least 10 games under new coach Andre L. Robinson.

(….and the number one thing most likely NOT to happen in Birmingham this high school football season is….)

1. Buddy Anderson goes new school: He’ll create his own Twitter account and his team will throw it 40 times per game working exclusively in a new “Red Spread” offense.  

 

The 10 things most likely not to happen in Birmingham this football season.

4. The quarterback at Fultondale will have more than 50 combined touchdowns (rushing, receiving, returns) for the third straight season.

3. Hoover will miss the playoffs this season for the first time since 1999.

2. Carver-Birmingham, a team that has gone 3-57 over the last six seasons, will make the playoffs under first-year coach Andre L. Robinson.  

1. Buddy Anderson will go new school. He’ll create his own Twitter account and his Rebels will throw the ball 40 times per game this fall while working exclusively out of the Spread on offense.  

 

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